Child Takes American Foreign Policy Literally

I don't think I need to say much more...

Why Do The Hot Ones Have To Die?

Another college girl was shot and killed today. Though a terrible tragedy for any family to go through, the real victims are the American people. "The hot gene is being bred out of the American gene pool", says Harvard geneticists Alfred Davis. "Hot people will only breed with other hot people, and the more we lose, the less hot people we have. Today marked a disturbing trend in killings where young, hot, baby-less women are being selected in a fiendish attempt to promote breeding with less-than-attractive people, or "mud-people' as we like to call them". Dr. Davis later went on to reiterate the lessor-known aspect of Darwin's Evolution theory called the "Aesthetic-Selection Theory". Where Darwin states; "ugly bitches fight for the cock more than that hot ones, because no one wants to fuck a rank pussy".

No One Likes Americans!

Says Iranian president and Asshole-in-Chief Mahmud Almadalalawooblehhhh. "We believe that the forces which crossed oceans and thousands of kilometers to come to this region should leave this region and hand over the affairs to the peoples and government of this region," Ahmadinejad said after taking a tour of Iraq. He then went on to say, "Yeah... You should leave! And we'll help with the rebuilding process here. It'll be cool. In fact, we'll just call this 'Iran Jr.' for right now. They love us here anyway! Despite the war we had that lasted 8 years. It's blood under the bridge -- I mean water... yes, water".