The Bible - Philosophy, History, And Economics Rolled Into One!

From giving guidance to life's problems, to serving as an absolute account of historical events, the Bible has been used for many things, but in this time of economic crisis some are using the Bible for something else... Economic advice.

"Remember when I got all pissed about people selling shit in my father's house?" Jesus said in a statement earlier today. "Well, I was just mad because they were selling stupid crap like dates and woven snake baskets and shit. I say start selling stuff at churches. The foot traffic is great, and people there will think exactly like you, so selling stuff to them should be easy. Now go get me a turkey sandwich."

What Will The Neo-Cons Do Now?

With a devastating defeat slapping them across the face, conservatives across the country are constantly re-assuring themselves that their ideas still work. "It was the Democrats and the Terrorists fault!" Screams former Senator of Pennsylvania Rick Santorum. "Conservative economics work if you give them time and don't challenge them in any way and if you're rich. But noooo, some banks fuck it up for all of us and next thing you know we're out of a job."

Most conservatives have re-grouped to the GOP headquarters, Castle Grayskull, to formulate a new batch of morality-based non-issues to complain about. "Gun control, abortion, creationism, gay marriage, these things aren't working anymore" said the Republican Chairman of Complaining Bill Frist. "We need to order up a new batch of issues that no one knows is an issue until we tell them how to think about them and that they will tear the country apart if they disagree with us". One of the new issues that will be looked at is "Raising the Dead". "Liberals are already for cloning humans, raising the dead is not too far off." Frist continued while eating the liver of a Somilian boy. "Do you want a whole bunch of tree-hugging zombie hippies roaming around voting Democrat and turning your son gay? Then vote GOP in 2012!"

The American Culture Congradulates America's First Half-White President!

In a landslide-esque victory, Barack Obama beat John McCain to become this nations first half-white president of the United States.

Kudos to you Barack!

Yes I've Been Lazy

But there's way too much stuff that I'm missing. So it's time for me to get off my fat can and do this again....