On the morning of December 7, 1941, planes and midget submarines of the Imperial Japanese Navy began a surprise attack on the U.S. under the command of Vice Admiral Chuichi Nagumo. It has to be remarked that the attack might have been no surprise as vital intelligence information about the imminent attack was not passed to the Navy commander Admiral Husband E. Kimmel and Army commander Walter Short.However, we have transcripts from the actual moment when President Franklin Roosevelt was notified of the attack while having his breakfast. As you can see, he was quite surprised.
FR: Man, this grapefruit fucking rules!
S: Sir, Japan just attacked our naval base at Pearl Harbor.
FR: The hell? What did they do? Send Ninjas?
S: No sir, they used planes and dropped bombs.
FR: What the fuck? How did those sandal-wearing fish tenders learn how to fly planes? Can they even see out of those eyes??
S: Yes sir, in fact, they took out most of our fleet.
FR: Shit, that sucks. I guess I should stop production on those Ninja star-proof uniforms. Why did they do that?
S: Well, they have teamed up with Germany in starting a world dominance campaign. They felt that the embargoes we imposed on them were a bit too much so they decided to attack.
FR: The fucking Germans again! Didn’t we make them sign the Treaty of Versailles??
S: Well, yes, but they broke it.
FR: Who’s responsible for all this?
S: A man named Adolph Hitler.
FR: The dude with the stupid haircut? Is he still pissed that he didn’t get into art school?
S: Um, maybe sir.
FR: Fucking hell, now we have to go to war again, and that mustache makes him look like a fag.
1 comment:
That was awesome.
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