The Bullshit Train Rides Again!

U.S. Marshals seized $75,000 worth of supplements advertised as cures for such conditions as anemia, diabetes, and high blood pressure. They were mostly selling Charantea Ampalaya in capsule and in tea forms and saying they were miracle cures. Though this is tragic, it is very common amongst our culture.

But like any red-blooded Americans, we here at The American Culture will be exploiting this to it's full extent! We are announcing our miracle elixir "Lazyassitol"! With the right blend of the the Moron Maximus flower, which is only found on the south side of the Ural Mountains during the Vernal Equinox, and the Stupidious Fatassious plant gathered from the luscious hanging gardens of Atlantis, we have created a medicine that can cure everything! Cancer, heart failure, AIDS, the common cold, decapitation, abnormal lobster-claw growth, old age, erectile dysfunction, and most importantly... I will grow your hair back if you're bald. The government, or as we like to call them, them "The Buzzkill Brigade" doesn't want you to have this potion! Why? Because they have the hands of the pharmaceutical industry firmly up their ass and flapping their mouth like a puppet. They want you to be sick so they could make more money! What opportunist bastards! BUT! For 6 easy payments of 29.95, you can have a bottle of this banned medicine and tell the FDA to suck a fat cock!

And watch out... the "Secret"... our cryptic self-help book will knock the shit out of your congested meat-filled colon! "I Fucking Rule, The Book" will show you how to be a bad ass in today's society just by repeating the phrase "I Fucking Rule". "Hey boss, I need a raise because I Fucking Rule". "My brain is hemorrhaging? Pfft, that's pussy shit! Give me 5min and that'll stop because I Fucking Rule!" "Bloodless coup turning into a bloody coup? Yeah, whatever, those homos need to realize that I Fucking Rule! Literally that is".