At the beginning of April 1865, General Ulysses S. Grant's relentless pressure finally forced Robert E. Lee to evacuate Richmond, and after a nine-day retreat, Lee surrendered his army at Appomattox Court House on April 9, 1865. There, Grant offered generous terms that did much to ease the tensions between the armies and preserve some semblance of Southern pride, which would be needed to reconcile the warring sides. Within a few weeks, the American Civil War was effectively over.
This is the actual conversation between Grant and Lee at the Appomattox Court House during the South's surrender.
Grant: Okay, so this war was bad, but I think we need to start getting over it.
Lee: Agree, I say, agreed! We don't need to be a feudin' anymore.
Grant: Cool. So, you'll have to make slavery illegal.
Lee: I under, I say, I understand that part of the agreement, but there's nothing in there that says that I have to look at them, or have them around me is there?
Grant: No, I guess not.
Lee: Fine! We'll separate them from the white folk. Give em' their own drinking fountains and such .
Grant: Okay, whatever. Now we have to talk about war retributions.
Lee: The south is willing to pay what it takes. But we get to fly our confederate flag when we want, stay about sixty years behind in any sort of progressive thought, and be proud to live in squalor.
Grant: I... Okay... These are favorable terms for you?
Lee: AND we want the right to sound like hicks, put our penis in anything that walks, and, well, that's about, i say, that's about it. We need to keep our pride as southern people.
Grant: Wow, okay... So, I think we have a deal.
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